I have to admit, when Melissa Taylor announced she was doing a Blog Hop each week for the Unglued Online Bible Study, I sighed. “There is no way I can keep up with all of those blogs,” I thought to myself. As the study commenced and the first blog hop came, I admit I glanced at a couple, but never really gave it any time. I am a busy mom of three boys. I do not have time for this.
Late this past week, I started having symptoms of my anxiety that became pretty intense. In fact, they became so bad, I had to go back on medication (I have done this with my previous two children also). By the end of the week, I had so much difficulty keep my temper under control, I felt like I had lost all of my “imperfect progress” I had gained when reading Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst when it was released. As I was looking back at some of the study, I looked at Melissa’s invitation to start a blog and thought, I need this! What better way to hold myself accountable to my imperfect progress and to share my ministry of family with others! I know there are other mothers who feel overwhelmed and perhaps fight depression or anxiety. Even if no one else reads this, it is great way of exposing those areas I need to work on to myself in order to pull myself closer to Christ again.
So, all that to say, I am thankful for the online blog medium to help me deal with my “little” blow-ups in life. My favorite quote in chapter one of Unglued is this:
I have to figure this out. What is my problem? Why can’t I seem to control my reactions? I stuff. I explode. And I don’t know how to get a handle on this. But God help me if I don’t get a handle on this. I will destroy relationships I value most and weave into my life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration. Is that what I really want? Do I want my headstone to read, “Well, on the days she was nice she was really nice. but on the days she wasn’t, rest assured, hell hath no fury like the woman who lies beneath the ground right here”?(p.13)
Wow, Lysa, you must have been looking in my window when writing this book and writing this passage! I do not want to let my anxiety and irritability control me. I do not want my children to look back on these years as the “yelling” years. I do not want my husband to have to guard his every word wondering when I might take well-meaning words out of context.
My mantra, Lysa’s timely words, “I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control.”(p.29) How will I accomplish that? Well, that will unfold over the coming weeks as we continue with the Online Bible Study. I will say one thing, a big part of it is my quiet time where I rest in God and his love. It helps me focus and remember that I do not need to act out of control.
God, as we embark on these coming weeks, may I share words that will enlighten me to the areas where you want to work on me and use me to bring others into a closer relationship with you. Thank you for your patience with a woman who freaks out occasionally and for not permanently labeling me because of it. Forgive me for my anger and short temper and guide me according to your word. Amen.